To be fair, the title is just a little bit clickbaity as these are words that are being used here, so for them to be too hilarious for words is utterly false. These statements, these absolute gems, need to be shared however and if you have an appreciation of D&D then these are going to hit home and crit your funny bone pretty hard. Some serious will saving throws will have to be made to avoid laughter here.

These 10 statements will be given context, for both flavors and to give people who are being introduced to D&D  some reason as to why they are so hilarious. So why don't you sit back, relax, grab yourself a cup of [insert preferred liquid here]  and enjoy these fantastic examples of players and DM's at their best comedic.

10 We're Gonna Need a Bigger Bad Guy

"I Have PTSD From Last Time, But This Time I Have A Gun!"

Now, this may be a common statement heard in many American suburbs, but in D&D it is not so frequently heard. If you really want to do some damage to a random antagonist that has been giving you grief, bringing a gun to a sword fight would definitely do it.

Not sure what the DM was thinking by potentially just GIVING AN ACTUAL GUN to people in essentially a fantasy world. The highest level of tech they probably saw before this is likely to be working wheels on carts. This does, however, lend to the hilarity, now said player can dish out violence like a medieval Punisher.

9 Dragon Riders

"GENDER DOES NOT DEFINE MY CHARACTER! HAVING A DRAGON DOES!"

Well, if the person sitting across from you was riding a dragon and angrily shouting, you'd be far more likely to respect their preferred pronouns. The threat of being eaten or incinerated by several (possibly dozen) tons of scale and muscle that can fly is pretty much guaranteed to put any gender arguments to rest.

Whether you think that the person is stable or not by using this massive winged behemoth to define how they identify themselves is another matter. Regardless, it's a fantastic statement and I'm pretty sure everyone at that table agreed.

8 Failing Those Stealth Checks

"He's dummy thick and the clop of his hooves keep on alerting vampire"

When you're wandering through Strahd's vampire castle, you really want your party to keep up that stealthy approach. Vampires aren't really the kind of thing you want to dick around with, they can take a number of forms which include being proficient spell casters and fighters on top of being powerful undead fiends.

So it is entirely valid to just lose your cool when the minotaur barbarian whos has made no attempt at stealth just walks on in when everyone else is sneaking. But what are you going to do about it? He's dummy thick and those hooves clop to loudly.

7 Entirely Valid Action

"As a free action, can I regret my life choices?"

Many people in their lives will at some point have the clarity of mind to look and ponder their decisions. It happens in D&D as well, but not always while in combat. Though you can look back and regret your life choices using a free action, it's not always as advisable as some other actions.

But if you're staring down a very very angry old tavern-keeper, who just HAPPENS to be a level 8 fighter who has demolished most of your party after you tried to kill him... Well, that's an entirely valid use of your free action.

6 When Trying To Be Cute Doesn't Pay Off

-"Pwease daddy GM punish the numbers for me UwU"

-"What's your AC? I wanna know how high I have to role to punch the uwu out of you."

When you're trying to sweet-talk a DM, you want to offer them a valid and rational alternative to something. You want to pander to their ego, you want to be nice, cute sometimes can work in your favor in doing this. However, using the term UwU is not as cute as you think it is. In fact, it can elicit rage from some people, especially if used repetitively. It is entirely understandable that a DM will act accordingly and aim for a proverbial gut punch right here.

No one should be surprised that someone's potential use of UwU would draw the ire of a DM. Now you can't say you don't know better either.

5 Kids

I ROLL HANDLE ANIMAL ON THE CHILD

Hot Take: Kids need leashes! No, no, this isn't meant to be taken seriously, but how do you deal with a child in a fantasy environment? Try to reason with it? Use a persuasion check? Good god NO, they are so unreasonable in real life that it's fundamentally unbelievable that talking them down would work even in a world governed by fantasy and magic.

So what can be said other than thank you to this brave pioneer who took it upon themselves to treat kids in D&D the appropriate way. Like they are rabid snarling animals.

4 People Serving People To People

"So cannibalism is an option in this game?"

Dungeons and Dragons is a game of imagination, if you can imagine it, you can do it, and in this case that includes cannibalism.  No one can be blamed if their half-orc PC gets a little too hungry, it's not their fault they've spit-roasted the party Rogue.

That little halfling had yet again stolen their loot because 'it's in character for him to do so'. The rogue had effectively removed itself in the PC's mind from 'part of the party' to 'part of a balanced breakfast'.

3 True Ascension

"My Age is 10000 and my is gender is pirate"

Somehow, though the statement is absolutely hilarious there is the faintest hint of truth to it. Yes, if you live to 10,000 you've probably reached an age where your gender no longer has any meaning to you. Your proclivities are beyond the comprehension of mere mortal minds. Who can judge you when you have outlived gods themselves?

Who can know your true nature when you've swum the raging currents of the river of time like it was a kiddy pool? Just like a pirate, at this stage of your inscrutable existence,  if there's booty to be had, you will take it.

2 Music In Your Ears

"Sometimes the sound of healing is screaming."

They say that the best medicine is laughter, but who's to say what the SECOND best medicine is? If prolonged uncontrollable exhaling in a barking tone can be healing, then prolonged uncontrollable high pitched shrieks are close enough to potentially have a similar effect.

Here's another saying, no pain, no gain. If the cleric needs you to scream for your heals, what are you gonna do about it? Scream, that's what.

1 Chaotic Neutrals Mantra

"We're a vigilante group of justice - the law means nothing to us"

The town guard just never gets it right sometimes, they just can't seem to identify the good crime from bad crime. Thieves stealing a shipment of imperial gold, bad, you stealing that gold from the thieves corpses, good. It's your gold now, in what upsidedown universe do they assume they have some claim on it just because it came from some 'imperial mint'.

The imperial guard of the emperor died because they didn't observe justice of course. If they had just let you take the emperor into your protection to keep him from being kidnapped they'd still be alive. You even wrote them a note in advance, I mean, you used the word 'kidnap' but your intelligence modifier is -4, what other term are you going to use?

Did any of these statements remind you of hilarious D&D stories you've been involved in? Let us know!

NEXT: D&D: 10 Dungeon Master Memes That Are Hilariously True